Drama Streamer Ian "Vaush" Kochinski Bravely Reports Live On Russian Invasion From Gamer Chair

B. Wesley

“TANKIES”: After Russia launched its invasion of Ukraine on February 24th, internet personality “Vaush” has bravely decided to report on the conflict live from Seattle. His reporting has clarified many questions people have had, such as whether or not Volodymyr Zelenskyy was a Churchill-esque war leader, or if one man in a jet can single handedly take out ten Russian fighters in one go.

“The Ghost of Kyiv is real, okay,” Vaush told his audience of seven hundred thousand, “and Captain Ukraine will lead the NATOvengers to Moscow to defeat the evil Dr Putin.”

Many experts are concerned that uninformed Westerners are turning a very serious conflict into theatre. Vaush has commented on this, declaring them to be “tankie dumbf*cks”.

“A lot of these so-called ‘experts’ are really just pro-Russia Putin-backed Marxist-Leninist Tankies,” Vaush declared on stream, “And these PhD holding academics have a lower IQ than I do.”

Norm O’Flanagan, a Boozer Creek local and war reporter for the Boozer Creek Proletarian, was on the scene to comment.

“I’ve given up on reporting on this whole thing,” O’Flanagan told the Proletarian, “And I just get all my updates from Vaush now.”

O’Flanagan is currently in the Ukrainian capital city of Kyiv. When asked to comment, locals replied, “Vaush? Who’s that? Sounds like a Polish pancake. How much for one?”

More to come on this developing story.